DEAR ABBY: I became pregnant with my second child in 2013. When my extended family heard the news, it was not well-received, particularly by my grandmother and aunt-in-law. They said things like, “We love you, but we’re embarrassed and ashamed.” My once loving grandmother said some particularly cruel things.

I have to be honest — I was angry. I swore at her after she accused me of “using” my partner of 10 YEARS to get pregnant. The gossip and hateful comments from my family shocked me to my core. I wasn’t asking for a blessing, but unconditional love from this God-fearing woman was definitely expected.

Fast-forward to now: My grandmother continues to hold anger and resentment toward me. She says it’s because I’ve “sullied our family name.” I apologized for my outburst, but she won’t forgive me. Now my uncle is blaming me for her poor health! I have forgiven her, but when I took my kids to her house, she slammed the door in our faces. I’m at a loss about how to fix this. Should I say, “So long, farewell”? What can I do?


DEAR MESS: The person responsible for your grandmother’s poor health isn’t you — it’s her. It’s not unheard of for people who hang onto anger and resentment the way she does to make themselves sick. That she would slam the door in the faces of her great-grandchildren is reprehensible.

You haven’t sullied the family name, and you cannot fix this by yourself. The healthiest thing you can do, for yourself AND your children, is move forward and don’t look back.


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