DEAR ABBY: I’m undergoing chemo/immunotherapy for cancer every three weeks. For quite some time now, my husband has been going out most days from 12:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. He does not say where he is going, and when he comes home, he says hardly a word. He is angry with me for the least little thing, and being around him gets very unpleasant because he shouts and throws things around.

I need to know what’s going on, why, and if it is innocent — because he won’t say where he’s going and for what purpose. Am I justified in being upset and distressed about this? I am at a point in my life where I need support. I think we both should be more concerned with making our future enjoyable and peaceful.

How should I approach him about this without incurring more anger and putting myself in a worse situation than I am already in? I don’t want to accuse him of anything, but I want to know the truth however hard it may be. I would appreciate any guidance you can give me.


DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Has this been going on since you were diagnosed, or do your husband’s absences predate it? Because he becomes angry and defensive when you ask what is going on, stop trying to confront him. Your husband may be angry with you for getting cancer, be incapable of giving emotional support or be stressed to the max and need private time to decompress. Or he may be cheating.

If you can afford it, hire a private detective to provide the information you need. I am so sorry for your pain. At a time like this, the last thing you needed was additional worry.